Complacency with Imperfection (ft. a very imperfect post)
Disclaimer: I know I didn’t post yesterday, but I did do some writing on this one, just fell asleep before I could put enough into it to be publishable. Self-shame defeated. Alrighty then.
A big part of how I live my life is to be able to be alright with everything not being alright. That was wordy. I accept imperfection. (As with not posting yesterday and breaking my streak – yet not becoming discouraged because this is a work-in-progress and the habit has not yet been formed). There are some things you just don’t do very well, or days when you do everything wrong. Even when you feel on top of your game, you can screw up at any time (quite encouraging, right?). I also realize that to be able to live through fuck ups I need to get that there are many things that happen to me that I have no control over, and will never be able to. Letting go of telling the world how to roll brings a lot of inner peace once you do. And this lifestyle translates into many fields.
In this beginning art class I took last semester, for one, we had these small assignments to draw something upside-down or using a single line or drawing the outline or negative space of an object – and I would never get anything finished if I tried to make it look good. If I thought too much about other people seeing and judging it for quality, I would choke. Today I still don’t get that far when I try to sketch or sing my own song or do something to express myself artistically. The real flow and productivity, and most importantly joy of expressing oneself, comes forth when you’re just continuing down the road you’re on and don’t care where it takes you. Or what it looks like. I’m no artist, nor do I specialize in techniques of how to get yourself to the mindset where you can create great works of art, but I know from my dabbling in some thangs of art that you have to early on overcome your fear of failure. Fear of messing up or making something stupid or which wouldn’t be looked upon well by someone else will be your downfall. Mistakes are a part of art and life in general. You can’t ever pretend you know exactly what you’re doing, or at least I can’t.
Perfection is an interesting concept. It seems to be the ultimate goal a lot of the time. Perfect job. Perfect relationship. Perfect parent or perfect child. “I’m going to be the perfect…” whatever. Often seen as leading to some great fortune. Well, I don’t think you can actually get there, and when you do come to the point where you feel you’ve gotten there, the natural and supernatural and all the forces acting in this world will still be in effect. They still alter your life, and you never know in what way. Doctors die too.
Be content with how things unfold, be complete in your incompleteness. Enjoy when you mess up and break and lose things and get hurt and hurt other people. By accident that is, not condoning violent or reckless behaviour. But when you suck, you can improve a lot further than when you’re perfect. I feel like I had a lot more to say about this subject than I ended up having… But that’s ok. It’s fine.